DePauw Fall and Winter 2012

Hey Guys.

I know I suck at posting like a lot….but hey this is a good chance to tell you all what I’ve been up to in Indy.

First of all, I’m having a great fucking time. I love a lot about this place and happy I chose DePauw. I love my swim team, we are a family here and support each other and do everything together. Total swim cult. But I have been doing great at swimming as well, I broke a minute for the first time in the hundo breast and went a 2.12 on my 200 breast which is pretty good. As of recently our team was ranked 5th nationally for Division 3 cause we’ve been doing so well. Haven’t come out to the team yet but they are accepting seeing as one of my teammates is openly gay. I think I haven’t for two reasons. 1. Rush-I should rush as the real Andrew so I know this is a dumb and bad reason. 2. I’ve gotten comfortable and coming out takes work. I am one lazy motherfucker.

Classes suck. Just took my calc 2 final. Still have econ but I hated all my professors so I made sure I got good ones for next semester. Planning on majoring in Econ or Polysci. Bio minor hopefully.

This winter is “Winter term” where most people take a month long weird class but I’m interning at a small consulting firm in Indy online as the head of marketing. Cool right? There’s seven people in the company so I get the cool title. Oh I’m also managing all social media for my team–Random fact.

College stories…DePauw is like in the top ten party schools so I party. I won a round of Edward 40-Hands once—BAD experience. Other than that I’m pretty in control. I fucking hate beer though.

The guy story is grim. I’ve hooked up with 2 guys so far but then it got awkward after each and now it’s like Ive gone through the whole campus already. I did try pursuing this one other guy but he caught on and I was drunk and it was EMBARRASSING. So now I’m kinda abstinent or whatever which sucks because back in Minny I didn’t have that problem. Not that I’m a slut or anything but I had that “friend.” But its kinda lonely not having any guys want you or anyone to even cuddle with let alone anything more than that. (I’ve got some hot ass bitchesss but not quite the same.) 

I now know I am not destined to live in a small city. This city sucks and its depressing how uncultured and small minded everything is. Plus I can’t get a decent haircut within 30 miles of this place.

I gave up on getting a real internship/job this summer because I wanna go clubbing, party, be able to swim, and be tan for at least one more summer. However for this program I’m in I do a semester long internship anywhere in the world and I want to go to Australia, Sweden, New Zealand, or South Africa (let me know if you have any ideas with that)

Um other than that I wouldn’t expect another post for a while. Im always so busy. If you wanna stay connected. Follow my twitter @Android8000, or @Itgetswetter or my instagram @Android8000. Cool peace.

Merry Christmas

 

22 Days in Counting

In about three weeks I will be driving down 11 hours to move in to DePauw University for the year. I couldn’t be more excited. I’m excited for the freedom, the new people, and to be a tiger on the DePauw swim team. I have grown bored with my everyday rituals, and besides my core group of friends, I’m ready for a new crop of people. I love making new friends, and getting to know 2400 other students sounds like a blast.

I move in a day early for this program I applied, interviewed, and got into this summer called the Management Fellows which is cool because there’s not as many people clogging up hallways on move in but being in this program is beneficial for other reasons. This program is like a business fast-track. They guarantee that we have at least one semester long internship with companies like Goldman and Sachs, Cummins, Target, etc. Additionally they help us learn all the crucial skills a business person must have to be successful, from cover letters to interviews to networking, I’ll be working on it all. We even get major business people to come in and talk to this small group in the program where we can even go out to lunch with these speakers and network with them. Hopefully, by the end of college I’ll have my own strong network, because if there’s one thing I’ve picked up on life is that networking is absolutely key to success almost above all other skills.

Even though some of my readers seem hesitant about me joining a frat there still seems to be a fairly good chance that I’ll end up in one. Keep in mind that 60% of the school is greek affiliated. We don’t rush till Winter so I’ll still be able to get that independent feel as well so I can really feel out for what is best for me. Still, my greek fate is still off in the future and I’m not worrying too much about that.

Another thing I’m of course excited about is the chance to meet new guys. The past few months I’ve had flings and such that were a lot of fun but everyone has to go back to the real world in the Fall. I’m not really sure about what I want other than that. Many people tell me to not get in relationships the first year or two of college and just to feel everything out, but some little personal discovery I’ve come to find is I’m a relationship oriented person. I’d rather spend my time with one guy, not seven. Once again I’ll use my best judgement and go with the flow and do what feels best for me.

As for being gay and back in the closet for the time being I’m not too excited to hide a little bit of me. However I think if my roommates, teammates, and friends got to know me as Andrew first then it’ll be easier to let them know that Andrew also happens to like dudes, which I believe is better than starting off as gay-Andrew.

As for the future of this blog I’m not entirely sure about what will happen. I haven’t been very faithful to this blog because I’ve been incredibly busy this summer and I don’t think that I will get any less busy at college but we will see. Anyway, I hope you all are well!

Follow my twitter, I actually post on that one!!

@Itgetswetter

Crazy Ass Senior Year

This Spring especially has been a busy one. Senior year in general has been a roller coaster. Right now I’m writing this post after attending 14 graduation parties. I’m so zapped for energy, but I’m planning on going to a party later tonight.

So since I posted last I’ve been quite social. Lots of parties towards the end of senior year. The parties have been a blast and have prepared me for college well I think. Flaunting my single status at prom I made out with 4 girls(all in good fun)…and at other parties I’ve made out with guys in front of people. Thinking back I think Andrew from 11th grade would’ve been so scared by how social I’ve gotten it’s weird to see my social progress. A year ago I was never invited to parties and I’d say I had like 2 good friends. But now with my senior year I’m proud to say I’ve gained more friends while keeping my old ones close and have had “that senior year” that everyone talks about.

One not so social experience I had was I had to do my May program working at Minnesotans United for All Families with Duke…who I’m not on good terms with at all. Last we really spoke he threatened to kill my dog because another ex of his was planning on egging his car(not that anything actually happened) but it was awkward and lonely since his friends were working there and I was made out to be a freak of some kind. But the internship did serve me some good I now know: I don’t want to go into politics, how to talk to strangers about essentially anything, and the complicated inner processes of politics.

So with graduation coming this Monday I’ve decided to just kind of make a list of accomplishments and what not of my year:

  • Came out to lots of friends and family
  • Got in the best shape of my life
  • Academic All American
  • Lettered Academically-A Average
  • 5 AP tests
  • Swimming Scholarship
  • Merit Based Scholarship
  • Got into a college that I’m completely amped to go to
  • Going to swim in college
  • Became comfortable with my sexual preferences
  • Made a lot more friends
  • Played Ultimate Frisbee this spring
  • 1st boyfriend and break up-sucks but I learned a lot about relationships
  • Got to swim at state and placed in the top 16
  • Got my lifeguard job again for the summer
  • Started this blog that has introduced me to some really cool people(you guys know who you are) and really helped express my feelings
  • Found the coolest protein shake recipe
  • Led the TEC weekend that I keep talking about
  • Interned with Minnesotans United for All Families

There’s probably other stuff but I can’t think of it now so please enjoy these recent pics of what I’ve been doing and I have a few other blog posts that will come cause I have more to write about!!

May Summary

So I’m a bad blogger not posting anything in forever. But I’ve been super busy with a whole mess of things. I took 5 AP tests these past 2 weeks: Micro and Macro economics, Latin(Hardest fucking test ever), Environmental Science and Calculus AB. Overall I think I did well in that I probably got 4s and 5s which would transfer over to Depauw.

I also got my tires slashed. I’m not sure who…but now I can change a tire in under 10 minutes and I’m gonna learn how to change brake pads. Ever since I’ve had nightmares of two different things. One that I’ll get another flat tire, and the other having to do with being out at Depauw. As of now no one at Depauw knows I’m #teampenis but I was totally planning on it but a few things have made me hesitant. For one I’m going to be rooming with two other swimmers that I’m afraid I might weird out. Not that I’m super flamboyant about my sexual preference it’s a concern. Also I’ve found Depauw isn’t necessarily a gay paradise. My blog friend Sam who heard from a twitter follower about a article that makes me a bit nervous. In a way I feel I won’t be dressing up as a drag queen so I won’t encounter as harsh reactions but what if I do? I’m not worrying too much about this but another thing about this article and situation. I think that if I am out at Depauw I’ll try actively to put a good face to the gay stereotype…hopefully.

Today and tomorrow is a ultimate frisbee tournament and I played for about 5 hours with no breaks because we were low on subs so I’m sore as fuck. Thus why I’m writing a post in bed in my boxers on a Friday night. I sure am a wild kid ;)

Lastly I want to share some music that I’m really digging:

3LAU is the best DJ out there

Set fire

Also James Blunt is fantastic even though this is old

Pride

It’s been almost 10 months since I first came out and I have to say I have grown so much more comfortable with my sexual orientation. Even though it’s still a rather controversial thing to be gay I’m so lucky to have been blessed with family and friends who care and love me whether I like penises or vaginas. This isn’t to say I’ve changed who I am outwardly but I have come to know who and what I am and I’m becoming comfortable with it. So much so that I am 98% sure I want to attend MNPride this summer. I think theirs a parade and general festival so I think it would be pretty sweet to go check it out with a friend or two. What do you guys know about Pride festivals? Worth it? What should I expect?

Quick note as well: Follow me on twitter!! I tweet so much more now so it’s kind of worth following.

 

Back at it

Long time no write. Hope y’all missed me like I missed your comments and stuff. At first I didn’t want to keep at the blog because it reminds me of a lot of happy things that are long dead and gone. And I’m not looking back at my past which hasn’t been very good the past 2 months or so. Fuck the past, it’s not coming back.

Recently I visited Depauw University this weekend and had an absolute blast! Fell in love with the campus, the students, and just the whole vibe the school was giving off. SO, I committed last night! I am beyond excited to go to college meet new people and have the time of my life! I might even join a frat there! I never in a million years thought I’d be frat material but the way the campus is set up its cheaper to join a frat for the food because there are no dining halls and such. But who doesn’t like the idea of being in a frat with a bunch of hot guys? Also, with my current times I’m very competitive at getting a spot on the swim team which is really fantastic! The Depauw swim team is one of the best D3 schools in the nation and we have a really tough conference.

Swimming, Frats, New way of thinking thats whats been on my mind recently. I plan on keeping at posting frequently again I miss it and writing out all my mundane thoughts on the blog definitely helps me relax.

Spread the news: I’m Back

 

Young

Damaged. Ripped to pieces. Naive. Young.

Ever since “Duke” took a break from our relationship I felt damaged. I couldn’t get him out of my mind, hoping that I could prepare myself for the worst. I tried everything to get my life back on track, to find my individuality – to prove to Duke that I was something worth missing and to restore some of my own self-worth that was torn apart the day after our “six month” mark.

This didn’t work. I neither got the love of my life or restored any inkling of self-worth. I figured that maybe I would just circle in this holdingpattern, and could eventually attain one of these two goals.

That brings me to part 2: last night. By accident, I began a conversation with “Duke’s” new boyfriend. They had been dating for two weeks -he broke up with me three weeks ago. It’s fair to say that this new information shook my world. I felt so many emotions last night: anger, jealousy, love, betrayal, despair, loneliness – the list goes on.

Duke texted me last night. I assumed his boyfriend put two and two together and told him about our chat. Our conversation started off with a “WTF?!” to which I responded “I didn’t know you could rebound so fast.” It escalated from there. “Duke” told me that over the last month of our relationship, I annoyed him and that he became emotionally unattached. Because of that, he told me it was very easy to get “completely over me.”  He then scolded me for not going to him about his newfound relationship and that I had no right to speak to his boyfriend. I told him that in fact, I had no idea he was in a new relationship already. I spoke to him with the love I had for him, which I couldn’t deny and the realization and acceptance that “Duke” and I will never be. I wished him happiness because that’s what I wanted for him. Then I got a very cold and biting “Thanks!!!! Will do!!!!” in response. That was it.

I didn’t know what to do with myself. Anything to relieve my pain, even for a moment, felt worth it to me. I reached out to my church youth leader, but little came from that. I asked Alec if he could come over. Of course he came over – we spent much of the night trying to make sense of what happened. Alec tried to convince me that I was not at fault for this break up and that it was “Duke” that was the douche in the relationship. To an extent, Alec was absolutely right.

Throughout the six months of our relationship, “Duke” would go days at a time ignoring me, and only then I’d find out that it was my duty to understand why without having to ask. That is essentially what our last month was, me not picking up that there was something wrong and him not telling me what was bugging him. That’s how things ended. And now I see from both of our perspectives what was happening. From my perspective, I felt him pulling away and my response was to seek him out more and try to figure out what was wrong. From his perspective he pulled away and I didn’t catch the memo, and to him, I became more clingy and annoying.

Understanding this helps me realize what happened. But it doesn’t help the pain all that much. But the further insult of his rude, cruel texts from last night finally became clear to me: he was an asshole to me, so I wouldn’t contact him anymore. I’d let him see the pain that I was in, if he cared at all to notice. He was protecting himself and I think it will work. I don’t want to contact him anymore because I feel like I would only get hurt more, so he wins. He gets to live without the guilt of shredding my young, naive heart.

He pulled away for a good reason. We were getting too serious, I had given away everything to him because I thought he felt the same for me. I fell in love and I think he thought he fell in love. But “Duke” is smart he knew that accepting the vulnerability of love has some of the greatest risks of pain that the world has to offer. So what am I? I’m young, naive and fell into the trap of love. I used to think that I was ahead of the curve, I was mature and found true love. This has been a reality check. I am not as mature as I thought I was. I thought that love meant I could give away everything to my lover and expect that he would take care of me, my love and never hurt me. I was so wrong.

I think I’ve experienced what so many have gone through in their first love. Love isn’t easy and it doesn’t necessarily find you at age seventeen. Love is rare and true love is even rarer. True love is when both people in a relationship would never do anything to hurt the other. I did not have true love. True love will hopefully come in time. In the meantime I need to focus on myself, my family and friends. I need to reassess and rebuild my individuality – something precious that I so naively gave away to “Duke.”

For at least a while, this will be my last blog post. Thanks all for reading, you guys have been very supportive.