Coming Out Pt. 1

As a gay kid, naturally you aren’t like the other kids. You may act like them, eat like them, and see like them but deep down you know you are different from the other guys. For a majority of gay kids the last thing they want to do is be not accepted. A great way to be accepted is to walk, talk, and act like everybody else.

So that is just what we do to stay hidden, we conform. That’s why initially 99.9% of gay kids start off in the closet. For the most part this “closet” is awesome. In this “closet” everyone treats you like you are everybody else and you live the typical childhood to adolescence just as normally as the other kids.

However I am not like all the other kids, I had a secret deep down that no one would ever know. At first I denied that I liked guys. I told myself it was just a phase like what so many people think being gay is. It wouldn’t go away. I hated it. I wanted to live just like everyone else. I didn’t want to be a second class citizen. I didn’t want to be the butt of all the gay slurs. I didn’t want to disappoint people.

After years, I began to accept that this was no phase. It just wouldn’t happen. At this point I knew I was gay but I still didn’t need anyone to know I was happy like that. No one suspected, I even dated a girl for 6 months. I did this partly to see if I did possibly like girls, but also I thought she was cool but I never liked her more than on a  boyfriend and girlfriend level. I kept at this relationship trying to give myself chances to like this girl a lot but I concluded that that wasn’t going to happen. I felt awful about this but I broke up with her because I knew no results would yield from this relationship. But I finally came to terms that I am gay.

After this relationship, I glided through the rest of junior year with everyone thinking of me as a normal straight kid, nothing more. It was nice, no one knew. The only problem I had was with myself. I hated watching my friends get together with people and get in relationships and I wanted that too. This is especially tricky for closeted people it’s hard to get “out there” if no one know you are “out there.” So where else is there to get “out there” without getting “out there?”

Online. Not a shining moment in my history, but yeah, I went on online chat rooms seeking a relationship but honestly most of them yielded creeps and wierdos. Then I met Duke.

We met and I found that I’m not alone. He made me feel like I am worth something and that being gay isn’t bad it makes you different. Different isn’t bad. Different historically is where greatness is derived. It comforted me I felt I could rely on Duke and my difference and begin to tell people. That brings me to this past August.

College

So since I’m a senior, naturally I’m applying for colleges which is really stressing me out.  I find that this blog however is much easier to get the creative juices flowing so I’ll tell you the colleges I’m looking at. First of all I have a criteria for what kind of college I’m interested in.

• Small-mid size because I want to have a close community but not get bored.
• Be near a big city
• Be a division 3 school, because I want to be able to swim in college. Although I can swim for some D1, D3 allows for you to have academics come first which in my opinion is right where academics should be.
• Be known for being academically prestigious
• Be away from home
• Must have a mission or ideal that I agree with.

So far I have narrowed my options down to these colleges:

• Emory university, GA
• Tufts University, MA
• Boston College, MA
• Dartmouth College, NH
• Depauw University, IN
• Trinity University, CT
• U of Puget Sound, WA
• U of Colorado Boulder, CO

This is a substantial list and therefor requires quite a bit of essays. I might be able to knock one out with a future post? I’ll keep ya’ll posted!

Duke

Earlier I mentioned Duke as the spark to my great change this summer. That is absolutely true. Without Duke, I would be the scared little closeted boy afraid to get to close to anyone. That all changed this summer when I met Duke. We met under weird circumstances, but we started texting a lot. Eventually, I met up with him for a first date with him.

We hit it off from the start. Even though his sister was also on our date (we went to a theme park) the sparks flew. We talked and talked and had a great time! We even held hands on a ride which was my favorite part of the night. We decided that we needed to do it again.

So we went on dates some short, some lasting for the whole day. Eventually I asked him to be my boyfriend. He said “Yes”!! We have been dating for almost 2 months and things are great!

Duke is 17 also he plays hockey and lives 30-40 minutes away from me. He is way taller than me. He’s really handsome and cute, plus he’s well accomplished. He at the age of 17 already runs two businesses, that’s right TWO. He’s a picky eater unlike me, I will eat anything, but I’m going try to expand his horizons 😉

One problem we have is that Duke’s parents are quite religious, and when he came out to them this summer they disapproved of him being gay. Which is really hard on him so we have to keep our relationship a secret to them. His parents even track his car!

Despite the problems, we face we have come to love (yeah I said love) each other a lot and we plan to be in it for the long haul 🙂

Comment!

Cmon guys! Today we hit the 50 visitor mark but no comments! To all people reading this, feel free to write whatever you want! You can ask me anything you want also! I like the feedback! But thank you guys for reading!!!  You’re awesome!!!

Swimming

I swim… a lot. I’ve been a competitive swimmer since I’ve been in 5th grade. When I first got into it I just did a stupid little YMCA team. I sucked, at the time I was quite a chub, but it seemed to be the only sport I could do somewhat competently. I stuck with it. Eventually I was able to participate in my schools team. I started off my first 2 years in JV but from 10th grade to my senior year I’ve been on varsity. My event is definitely the 100 breast stroke which I’m most likely going to state in this year. And this year I also have the opportunity to lead the team as a captain of the team which is pretty cool. I like swimming for a lot of different reasons. For one, I like/need the exercise because when I was just starting off I was a pretty chubby kid so I swam to try to improve my self-esteem about my body. The exercise of swimming for the most part did very little for me, I was able to swim competently and race competitively but I remained a chub for years it wasn’t till recently that I grew into my body and stretched out leaving me looking less chubby. But regardless,  I like swimming from the exercise point of view, it helped me get better at other sports. I also liked swimming from a social aspect. Before I started swimming I had very few friends. Through my various teams I was able to make friends with the other guys which was like one of the first times that I started to have guy friends and “bro out” it was nice. Before swimming I just got along with girls better so for the most part, girls made up my friend groups. With swimming you’re able to bond with the other guys, talk about guy stuff and not feel like the odd one out having no guy friends. Next, I like the dynamics of the sport. You can be your own individual but in the end you have to work as a team which means you are responsible for the success of yourself and your team. It holds you to high expectations and makes you want to succeed. Lastly, I like the competition of it. It’s so simple just get to the end before the guy in the lane and you win. Winning feels good, although I don’t win all the races I compete in, when I lose I like how it pushes me to get better and work harder. All these reason are why I endure swimming year round, and although it’s really hard the rewards of it make me go back to practice each day.

The Spark

What made me want to make this blog? It really started with a spark in the form of this guy, let’s call him Duke(he’s also gay). I met him over the summer at the beginning of August. We talked a LOT and we got to know each other really well. We talked, connected, and eventually met up for a date. He made it so I didn’t feel ashamed to be gay. I was able to be my whole self around him. He opened the door to me, because of him I decided to start coming out to the best of my friends. I began with my best friend, let’s call her Libby. I knew she was liberal and pro-gay to begin with but on the way to a concert, she asked me who I was interested in at the time. I told her “Duke”, she kind of already knew I was gay and she just told me that my sexual orientation isn’t a big deal and it shouldn’t be and people should be able to be with whoever they chose. I loved the acceptance. I was able to be open with her and Duke it was exhilarating. I had to tell more friends. So over the next few weeks up till recently I told most of my good friends. They all accepted me. I’m still afraid whenever I tell someone because some people don’t get accepted as well as I do. But I found that being open for the most part is good especially with a good support system of friends. So I thought of how I could adapt to being out with everyone? A friend of mine suggested I blog about it because whats better than to be out with the entire internet? So thats what I did and how this whole thing began!

Let’s Cut To The Chase…

The reason I made this blog was to tell my story and that is very true. I want to tell it as honestly as possible. I don’t know why I feel this need to profess all of my little truths to the world, but I have a theory. I think it’s to make up for all they lying I did, to myself, to my friends, to my family, to everyone. The truth that I’ve been lying about? Well, I’m gay. And over the past few months I’ve really grown to accept myself but thats for another post. But now you know I’m gay and I’m cool with that. So let’s just consider this my coming out to you. Maybe you like it maybe be you don’t. But I plan on telling you the true stories of a gay american high school senior. The thing is at my school, I’m not out to everyone, yet. But I intend to eventually change that but maybe after swim season…but for now I’m gonna stay under wraps.

About Me

Music- Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, Jason Aldean, Matt Nathanson, Matt Kearney, Britney Spears, Nicki Minaj, Maroon 5, Adele, Ellie Goulding, Eminem, Kanye West, Dessa, dev, u2, One republic

Books- Harry Potter!!!!

Movies- Harry Potter, pirates, Black Swan, oceans 11, ratatouille, She’s the Man, Finding Nemo, Bridesmaids, the Hangover, the Dark Knight

Tv Shows- glee, Burn Notice, White Collar, the Real World, Royal Pains

Food- sushi, chocolate, banana anything, chicken, Caprese Salad, Punch Pizza, Noodles, Chipotle, Guacamole, More Chocolate

I go to public school, do well in school I suppose, right now I’m applying to colleges, I also participate in church where I lead and do some other background stuff.

Ask me more if you want!

My email- andrew.android8@gmail.com

Goals

With this blog I have a few goals.

1. Tell my story

2. Make this blog work(I’m not the best tech wise)

3. Entertain readers

4. Post at least 2 times a week

5. Accomplish something out of this. I don’t know what yet though.

Hello Everyone

Hi Readers which Im sure there are none at this moment but this is my first post! Woo! I chose to make a blog to help tell my story whatever it is, to possibly get noticed, or to at least entertain a reader or two. I’m going to go and try to make this blog nicer to look at right now but I’ll be back with a “about me” post.