Advice to a Scared Gay Boy

Before this most recent summer, I was scared little gay kid. I didn’t want anyone to know my secret I felt it would disappoint everyone around me and it might be the very end of the world as I know it. I wish I could’ve gone back and told the 11-16 year old Andrew some comforting things that would’ve helped me cope, focus on what’s important, and accept myself. If I could I would send this letter to little Andrew/ any scared gay kid.

Dear Little Andrew,

By now you probably have concluded that you aren’t like the other kids. You’re different. You’re gay and it’s okay. First of all, you were born gay. There is nothing you can say or do to be straight you can act straight and spend lots of time and effort to convince others you are straight but you are just lying to yourself and others. The greatest good you can do is be yourself, because all the people that don’t like who you are don’t matter. Fuck the haters. You don’t have to come out right away but you can stop convincing yourself that conforming to everyone else in middle/high school will help you survive it. Being different is a great gift it makes you interesting and stand out from people.

Stop fearing the gay community and your future in it. The parades, “flamers”, and all that pride are not bad things. You will find that the gay community has some of the nicest people you will know be it LGBT people or those who support us. They are friends who will like you for you, embrace it. Also stop hating on the “flamers” although you may not feel and act the way you do and you don’t appreciate the stereotypes they bring, they are human too, respect that.

Focus on what is really important. I know people have been “dating” from 5th grade to now, but being gay is different. For one, you can’t expect to get a boyfriend without being out, plus even if you are out not many others are. Gay relationships are rare at young ages and if you do happen to get one appreciate it. However, relationships aren’t the most important thing to worry about and get hung up on. You have talents, hobbies, sports,  school, and friends to focus on. They are dependable and useful and ultimately your safest bet to succeed in life.

Surround yourself with the right friends who will support you. There’s not much of a point in befriending that really homophobic kid that trash talks gays all the time. Find the good ones that support gay rights and ultimately the true you. Also, you’ll be surprised how many of the kids these days really do support LGBT. Change is happening!

Lastly, I can’t stress this enough. Love yourself. You are perfect the way you are, hold on to your uniqueness and appreciate it. Any obstacle you face can be overcome, there will always be tomorrow so keep calm and carry on.


Older Andrew

Younger Andrew


9 thoughts on “Advice to a Scared Gay Boy

  1. Wow. That is really amazing. I really liked your writing about fearing the gay community. I feel the same way and I have been out for almost 15 years. I can’t help but be sad and disappointed when I see a float at gay pride with 30 guys in g-strings or thongs. I feel that moves like that are not conducive to full equality and those scenes are what people see. People don’t see the couples that have been together for 15 years and have kids, great jobs, and the house.

    I think we all can learn quite a bit from each other no matter the age difference.

    Thank you for posting that.

  2. Truly awesome. Something even us olde fartes can take to heart. I agree with @Geoff in that I think the whole “let’s get naked and be proud” stuff just hurts us in the eyes of the people “on the fence”.

    I am still working on coming out to my siblings – all grown, with (mostly grown) families – and this letter is helpful in realizing that it can be done, and there’s little to lose by doing it. Thanks for the inspirational words.

    Peace ❤

  3. Your biceps are huge on first pic..and the second have quite fat, but adorable cheeks..
    lol you really look cute in the second that the ‘younger Andrew’?
    cuz you look quite different..anyways thanks for the update!

  4. Pingback: Gay high school swimmer gives advice to his younger, scared self on acceptance | Qvoice.US

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